The Trials Continue

Went in for a CT scan of abdomen and pelvis region. Very fun and interesting. Like a science field trip. Downed the 2 bottles of contrast in 30 seconds, then had the injection of I think iodine. Interesting feeling coursing through my veins.

Talked to the surgeon and it looks like the lymph nodes near the groin are enlarged. He said an option would be surgery to cut out the enlarged lymph nodes. So a 12 inch vertical scar on my abdomen and the risk of never ejaculating again due to nerve damage. Ummm, NO.

Talked to Mom, Claire, and John. Left message for Dad. Discussion with John was not so good. He was tired after driving all night and was in the cynical, conspiracy mode and I wasn't. There was a lot of silence from my end. Keeping everyone up to date is going to get old. People actually want to be updated, but the frequency of the update needs to spread out a little more. I'm sure it will as this event continues on.

The feeling in my legs and around my incision/penis is I think nerves repairing themselves. It is a hot tingly sensation like a rug burn. Bought no-show briefs (bikini-briefs) to keep the left side of the scrotum from sticking to my leg. Irritating to the extreme. It is the worst part of the surgery. And so, no, I don't want another one.

Tyler is getting worn out but is still joking. He is definitely going to be my “take care of things” guy. Very protective. Wants to go to the next appointments.

Registered with the Lance Armstrong Foundation web site. They have tools to let you enter your info (blood count, type of testicular cancer, etc.), that will then lead you to info on options for treatments and what to expect. got my blood work info today from the surgeons office. The Urology Center is great. One spot, down the street basically, and get everything handled there.

Becky S. sent me a baklava package. It is so good. There was no labeling of who it was from so I didn't know Becky sent it. Then talked to her and she asked me if I had gotten the baklava yet. She had emailed me days ago telling me about the gift and I even responded to the email. Completely forgot! I don't think that was due to meds, just the situation being overwhelming.

Broke down today on the way to Newberry. Think it finally caught up with me that I may just indeed have cancer. Not a long crying spell but enough to let some of the pressure out. I know I'll be fine and I'm not really scared. Just a lot of info to process quickly and the unknown.

I truly have great people around me. It is great to have the problem of how many people I can update in one day. Some people are starting to call me instead of waiting for me. Good move. It is actually nicer for them to call instead of me feeling like I'm giving the “cancer report”.

Even though I have the tingly pain, I know I'm getting better surgery wise. I can sit longer, the incision area doesn't hurt to bad. This is the time when healing really begins. The first couple of days I was still flying high on anesthesia and Percoset. But it is healing and I can still can get an erection although I'm still working on touching myself. The scrotum doesn't look bad from a glance, but when warm, my right (okay my only) testicle hangs lower than it used to. I'm hoping some time next week I can take the next step in my "sexual healing".. I would really like to get over this! Was able to finally take a bath........ Ahhhh. Nicole and Dave sent me bubble bath. The hot bath water is better than the Percoset/Vicodin. I plan on taking one every day!

I did get a Vicodin prescription. I was taking to much of the Percoset at the beginning. The Vicodin helps with that "rug-burn, tingly" sensation.

Next appointment is Tuesday for my upper body CT scan. Looks like that is my answer from the radiologist. Lymphs in the abdomen are large enough to check elsewhere. Fingers are crossed for chemo. Don't want surgery or radiation.

Also looks like that things are proceeding slowly enough that I'll make my IUG Conference trip.

Starting reading stuff. Am not so freaked out about the no-ejaculating risk of surgery. I supposedly would still have an erection and orgasm, just wouldn't produce semen/cum. I still don't want to have surgery though. About 6 weeks recovery time.

Also read more about chemotherapy and met Jeremy for coffee. He loaned me his Patient Treatment Notebook he got in Oregon. Very helpful and will be a good resource. While reading the stuff, it gave a description of the chemotherapy used. Well, this might be even more intensive than I thought. 3 cycles that are 3 weeks each. With the first five days of each cycle taking 6 hours each day. Now I am hoping I'm reading that wrong. I'm sure I'm reading this wrong. I'm putting that thought off until I talk to the oncologist. Man I am now hyper to talk to the oncologist. I want to be done with the surgeon.

Went to Target again to buy slightly different underwear. The type I bought did the trick of separating my scrotum from my leg, but damn, the “basket” portion of the underwear was to small. I don't like everything folded into itself. The underwear I bought today so far is much better. I bought low-rise briefs.


Felt better today up to about 2:30pm. Lied down in the bed and slept deeply. This surgery stuff sucks. I want to go to the gym.

People are so nice. A neighbor brought over a cake that his mom made for me. The father had asked Tyler how are vacation went because he thought we went away due to all the people coming to the house.

I'm not really amazed or shocked how good/nice people are, but it is always amazing in action.

Woke up with anxiety. More about my favorite topic.... money. Also the release of client code.
Anyway, read some more info about treatment options. Looks like I might be able to get away with just chemo and not the surgery. That is my wish.

Starting to have some mortality thoughts. Not depressing thoughts, just what ifs. Ugh, again I think this is going to be harder than I was originally thinking.

Felt a lot better this morning when it comes to my leg nerve pain. Still starting to hurt again around 10 am. Went to my “couch” office.

I was able to finally take the next step in my sexual healing. Yeah!! Played one of the DVDs DJ got me. Felt like I was in my teens again. This was a relief although I still need the pain to subside more before I'll feel really comfortable.

It is great having the friends and family I do. Each one satisfies a particular need.

A sexual therapist. Gets me porn and is the one I can really talk to about what is happening “down there”.

My cancer therapist. The friend that has been through this and knows what this is like emotionally and medically.

My knight. Taking care of things is his specialty. Keeps the house going and wants to support me as I go through this. Thing is I know he is worried and this is taking a toll on him also. So I don't need him to fuss over me, just handle day to day things.

My protector. So logical and caring and would be my bouncer if I need it (even from long distances). Willing to make calls so I don't have to and block calls if she can.

My alternative/cynical guys. In their own way they are very concerned/worried, but want to put up that tough guy exterior. Want to explore ways outside the western medicine box.

Mom – She will be with me every single step of the way. My humorist, my logical person, my friend, my intimate, ..... my mom.

Cheerleaders. Penis cake (with missing ball), mystical crystals and rocks, spiritual, Positive thinking. "You can do it". Like I said cheerleaders. These you want around a lot.

Big Sisters/Mothers. Tough. Doesn't ever buy to much of my B.S., but also worried about me.

Unofficial Experts - They have been through this second hand but close enough that you can have a easy discussion about the medical/technical things you are going through.

Worriers. It is appreciated that people are worried about you. But if you are going to get through all this and keep you spirits up, you have to be strong with these types. To drag yourself down into a "woe is me" place will make things worse.

Had my upper chest CT Scan and met with Surgeon. Now on to oncologist.

Got angry/lost temper when calling people. Decided I was done with calling a whole list of people. Dane is setting up this blog for me to start posting.

Had a moment with Tyler today about Toby (our dog). Went and took my bath. After the bath Tyler hugged me and told me he loved me. This is not going to be an easy going summer, is it?

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